Why, no, I don't have a meth lab.

Illinois is such a magical place to live. Corrupt former governors. Idiotic current governors. Toll hikes. Driver's licenses for sale. Unabashed Abraham Lincoln worship. As a life long resident of this fine state, these issues have been more "big picture," interesting me on an interpretive rather than a visceral level.

Now it's personal.

I have a head cold (a "Christmas present, " if you will). I went to my local grocery/pharmacy/liquor/meat/deli emporium for to purchase some OTC cold medications. I pick out some non-drowsy gel capsules (for the decongestant) and a liquid cough medicine (just because I love to expectorate). I go to pay for them and I am stopped dead in my tracks by the cashier.

"We can't sell you these," she remarked with a triumphant air that made me hope that whatever I have is contagious.

I was then informed that a measure that I had read about earlier in 2004 had become law in Illinois.

Please click on the links to read the news story and the press release from Illinois Nanny-in-Chief Lisa Madigan.

This is ludicrous. I realize that the state has an interest in limiting the production of meth. But I thought that this matter could be handled by retailers limiting quantities. I mean that there is a marked difference between me with some cold remedies and some people with shopping carts full of the stuff or coming back several times, claiming "this darn cold, stubborn little monkey, ain't it?"

Perhaps it is time for some "meth lab" profiling?

This, like all laws of prohibition, will not work. No matter how many laws that the state decides to enact, people will engage in these behaviors. So you can only buy them two at a time. No prob. Get more desperate or willing people and spread out. You will still get all of the ingredients and make your meth and that will be that.

Am I advocating the manufacture of methamphetamines? Not really. I am just angered that these laws directed at some individuals who specialize in dodging the law now inconvenience regular people and (not only that) WHEN THEY ARE SICK AND MISERABLE! If people want to make meth and kill themselves slowly that should be their own business. All that the State of Illinois did was make it SLIGHTLY harder for them to do so.

Bravo, Blago and Madigan. Really helping the people of Illinois again.

If you'll excuse me, this bottle of scotch isn't going to drink itself. I can still buy this by the shopping cart load.

For today, anyway.