Wednesday, February 09, 2005

The Coming Epicurean Diaspora

In following the Wyeco situation, and musing on the feelings of the majority of Americans, I have came to some disturbing conclusions.

I fear that I will see tobacco and alcohol either severely resrticted or outlawed before I die. I realize that Prohibition was a complete failure and represented all that is wrong with government and legislation of morality (I am a historian after all). What I worry about is that there may not be any Al Capones to save us. We live in more restrictive times where most sectors of our lives come in contact with state regulation and scrutiny. True patriots and lovers of freedom may be more reticent to step up and face down "the Man." We cannot let this happen.

We must fight for our right to drink and smoke at every corner and with every chance. Keep informed...this could be the sort of legislation that a state legislature, city council or county board could slip through without much notice. They don't care if you know; it will be the law and that will be that. Look at what happened in California or Ireland if you don't believe me.

This must be a constant battle fought not only against actions but against ideology, religion, values and attitudes. We must engage in PsyOps against these Puritan devils. Engage them where they live, lay out our side of the story in such a way that you would have to be a fool or an evangelical not to see the reasoning. We must fight by persuasion and diplomacy. If this does not work, we must not flinch to take to the streets (drunk, naturally) to defend ourselves.

If they muster the stronger force (judging by the 2004 elections, they may have us cornered), there is one last great hope for all of us smokers, drinkers, recreational drug users, overeaters, fornicators and all who enjoy the fin-EST things in life.

We must all move to the last place that has any chance of accepting us.

I am, of course, talking about Las Vegas.

This seems to be the last place where our favorite activities are not only condoned but encouraged. Whatever your pleasure, be it booze, butts, buds, broads or bouncy-bouncy, Las Vegas can accomodate us all. Think of the "new age" we would establish, killing for good the pretensions of "Vegas-as-a-family-destination."

I think this may be our only option. I will make the plans in concert with a directly democratic body. We must plan and look foreward to establishing our heaven on Earth (kinda like those scary, possibly alien Mormons).

What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas. Truly words to live by.

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